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A Set Of Dualities

Just like the yin and yang balance found in many aspects of the universe, another set of dualities driving our lives are strengths and weaknesses. When we consider that each of us has their own set of strengths and weaknesses, we can see a special uniqueness to each individual that makes them who they are.


While it?s totally natural to have weaknesses along with your strengths (after all, nobody is perfect), it?s also natural to want to improve weaknesses by working on them. In true duality, it?s also natural to feel inclined to embrace your strengths and lean on them to get yourself through the harder parts of life. 


If you?re analysing yourself and feeling confused about what you?d consider your strengths and weaknesses, it?s possible to not only learn to identify them, but also work on the weaknesses while also embracing the strengths. You can take a muddled feeling about your emotions and qualities and turn it into a plan for success! 



How To Begin Identifying And Defining Your Strengths And Weaknesses

Identifying your specific strengths and weaknesses requires some detective work. Learning about yourself requires a lot of self-reflection, consideration, and questioning. 


It may seem strange to you that you?re struggling to define your strengths and weaknesses in the first place. This is normal?even though you?re striving to learn more about yourself, it?s not unusual to experience a disconnect from yourself. 


When life becomes demanding and challenging, people tend to put the focus on their external problems rather than themselves. When you do that for a long time, you lose clearly defined connections to yourself because you simply aren?t spending much time understanding yourself anymore. 


If you?re feeling this disconnect between yourself and an understanding of yourself, there are some methods you can use to get a better grip on your unique mosaic of your personal strengths and weaknesses.


1. Take up journaling to make notes about your day. 

Journaling, writing in a diary, keeping a captain?s log?there?s a reason why humans have written down their feelings, thoughts, and actions for thousands of years! A written record is a great tool for reflecting on your day. 


Grab a notebook and keep it with you throughout the day, Periodically jot down notes about what you?re doing, thoughts you have, and how you feel about the day?s events. At the end of each evening, read through your daily notes and see if you notice anything that stands out to you.


It may take a few weeks to notice specific patterns. When you begin to see some recurring themes in your journal, this can highlight some specific strengths and weaknesses you have. Make some separate notes about these patterns. 


A couple examples of patterns could include the following:


You feel happiness when you have a chance to ?slow down? or get some extra rest. 


You notice that you tend to speak without thinking first, often leading to embarrassment. According to your journal, you found three different instances of doing this over the last couple weeks: Once to your co-worker, once to a friend, and once to your partner. 


2. Have a heart-to-heart conversation about your strengths and weaknesses with a person whose opinion you trust. 

Finding a person you really trust is vital for this option to be successful. There are two different routes you can take to exercise this option.


Your first option is to seek assistance from a professional. Look for a good counsellor or therapist in your area. Folks like these are trained to have deep, exploratory conversations with you about yourself. During these conversations, you can learn a lot about who you truly are. Likewise, the professional also learns a lot about you so they?re able to help you identify and label different parts of yourself, accept strengths, handle tough emotions, and more! 


Another choice involves speaking to someone with whom you have a close personal relationship?think a partner, a best friend, or a family member. When you select the person you want to have this conversation with, be up-front and honest about your intentions. Let them know you?re trying to identify some of your strengths and weaknesses, and you need their trusted opinion to guide you toward some answers. 


However, a word of caution about asking someone you have an established, close relationship with: They may have a tough time being truthful with you! While we expect our loved ones to keep things honest with us, sometimes the truth really does hurt. 


Your best friend or partner might be uncomfortable discussing some of the more delicate parts of who you are, especially weaknesses. If they try to skirt around giving you specific answers or refuse to name any weaknesses, they may be very uncomfortable having the discussion with you. Rather than forcing them to respond, let them know you understand that it?s a tough conversation to have and seek another person (perhaps a professional) instead. 


This doesn?t make your loved one a bad person. It?s always best to explore yourself first. Your loved ones might not be particularly skilled at delivering tough news or talking about strengths and weaknesses in a way that?s honest and kind. Rather than placing the burden on them, if they?re clearly uncomfortable, take it to a professional. Not only will the professional know exactly what to do, but they?ll also help you define your strengths and weaknesses clearly. 


3. Take a personality test or inventory to learn more about your strengths and weaknesses. 

If you end up visiting a counsellor or therapist, they may use a personality test to open up the conversation or begin your process of self-reflection. This is also a tool you can use at home to begin identifying your strengths and weaknesses independently! 


There are a wide variety of personality tests available; many of them have free versions you can access online. A few popular, tried-and-true personality tests or inventories include:



Whichever personality test you prefer can be an excellent starting point for identifying specific strengths and weaknesses. No matter which test you choose, they?re all designed with the same goal in mind: Gaining a better understanding of who you are. When you have a good grasp on your personality and your unique tendencies, it?s easier to begin identifying your strengths and weaknesses. 


Another important note about personality tests: They should always be considered as a ?starting point? on your journey to a better understanding of your strengths and weaknesses. While these tests are tried and true tools, they?re not meant to be taken as the absolute truth. 


Ultimately, you?ll need to do a lot more analysing and digging to determine how your personality test results actually reflect your strengths and weaknesses. Every person is unique?the results from a test will likely not get specific enough to paint a perfect, complete picture of someone?s strengths 



How To Deal With Feelings Of Discouragement Regarding Your Weaknesses

Now that I?m starting to see some of my weaknesses, I?m feeling really bummed out and discouraged. How can I counter these negative feelings? 


When you take time to really acknowledge and analyse your weaknesses, it can feel brutal?especially if this is the first time you?ve ever really analysed them. It?s tough to admit that you have a weakness in something. It not only leaves you feeling deficient, but you may also feel a pressure to immediately begin working on those weaknesses. 


If you charge full steam ahead into changing aspects about yourself, you could lead yourself into trouble. Instead of moving aimlessly into a plan to start working on weaknesses, learn to counter your negative feelings first.


Allowing yourself some acceptance and positivity is the best way to set your intentions for eventual growth and change. To begin countering negative feelings, consider the following methods: 


1. Begin by acknowledging the fact that nobody is 100% perfect. 

It?s tough to remember this universal truth, but it?s a key element in beginning to accept yourself, weaknesses, and all. 


Nobody is perfect. In the age of social media, where our friends and acquaintances can showcase the parts of their lives they want everyone to see, it?s easy to believe that everyone is leading a picture-perfect life. When they only post about new houses, promotions, fancy gifts, fun nights out with friends, and other happy and exciting news, who would believe these people have weaknesses? 


However, it?s crucial to remember that nobody exists without weaknesses. Nobody is going to showcase those weaknesses for everyone else to see, either. The same friend who posted about their new job on Facebook probably won?t post about their bad spending habits and credit card debt, for example. 


When you?re looking at all your strengths and weaknesses, think of them like a giant mosaic. All these different pieces and parts come together to make you who you are. Some pieces may be shinier or prettier than others, but they?re all parts of what makes you unique. 


2. Develop a mantra to stop negative thoughts in their tracks. 

Mantras are fantastic tools for countering intrusive negative thoughts. When you catch yourself spiralling into negativity over your weaknesses, you?re likely to fall into a thinking cycle that looks something like this:



If this pattern sounds familiar, it?s time to try a mantra. Mantras, or short phrases used to pull your thoughts back into the present with a simple truth, can help cut this cycle short by redirecting your attention to more positive, productive thinking. 


Some folks prefer to develop their own unique mantras to use, but if you need some inspiration to get started, consider one of the following:



You can create a more customized mantra to suit your particular needs, but these are some simple ones to get started. Once you choose a mantra to use, practice recalling it when you feel your thoughts wandering toward negativity. 


This can take practice to perfect?if you?re in the habit of spiralling into negativity, it can take effort to redirect your habit toward using the mantra. After some practice, you?ll find yourself recalling your mantra more quickly, ending these negative spiralling sessions. 


3. Counter your weaknesses with ?yes, but? thinking. 

You?re now aware of some specific weaknesses you have. When you begin thinking about them and feeling yourself sliding into a pit of sadness over the fact that you have them, you can counter those negative thoughts with ?yes, but? thinking. 


?Yes, but? thinking acknowledges a truth while also reminding you of another, equally valid truth. For example, pretend you?ve been thinking obsessively over one of your greatest weaknesses?mathematics. You?re failing your college math course and are nervous that you won?t pull your grades up in time to get a passing score. 


This is a good opportunity to try the ?yes, but? thinking method. In this situation, you can think of your weakness this way:


?Yes, I am failing my math course, but I have As and Bs in all my other non-mathematics courses.? 


By keeping this thought at the forefront of your mind, you?re acknowledging your weakness while also reminding yourself of another truth: You?re still a good student who is doing well in other classes outside math. When you put the weakness into perspective, it makes it easier to accept that you have the weakness and can devise strategies to improve upon it rather than worry about it endlessly. 


4. Keep your list of strengths nearby when you need a reminder. 

A fantastic way to counter negative thoughts about your weaknesses is to focus your energies and mind power on your strengths! 


Having weaknesses is a part of life. You can?t get around them, ignore them, or ditch them?they?re as much of a part of you as anything other part of your personality or being. 


Instead of spending time allowing negative thoughts to brew about your weaknesses, remember that you also have strengths. For example, pretend one of your weaknesses is organization. At work, you may have a difficult time keeping your work materials and space organized. In comparison to your neater co-workers, this weakness can feel really discouraging. 


In a moment like this, remember to focus your energy on your strengths. If you?re also creative, flexible, and innovative, you?re bringing a lot of value to your work team. Instead of letting yourself stress too hard over your organization, remind yourself of times when your strengths played a big role in your success (such as that time your creative presentation won an award). Rather than allowing your negative thoughts about weaknesses hog the spotlight, give your strengths the amount of hype and attention they deserve! 



How To Embrace Your Strengths In Everyday Life

Embracing your strengths is a great way to get things done?your way! When you?re able to use your unique strengths in different areas of life, not only will you find success, but also happiness. 


Using your strengths in ways that are beneficial to you (and others) is a great way to live up to your fullest potential. Now that you have some of your strengths identified, you can begin embracing them in your everyday life. To get started, consider the following activities:


1. Participate in arts, classes, sports, or other activities you genuinely enjoy on a regular basis. 

Often, we find our strengths when we?re participating in some kind of activity we really enjoy. You don?t have to be a pro athlete or professional artist to let your strengths show during an activity you enjoy?by simply participating (and giving yourself permission to have a good time), you?re allowing your strengths and creativity to flow. 


2. Speak up when somebody needs someone with your strengths for assistance. 

If you know you have a specific strength that could help someone, speak up. Give yourself an opportunity to perform your strength.


For example, if you?re good at working with your hands, offer to help your friend with a home renovation project. Not only will your friend get the much needed help she deserves, but you?ll get a chance to let yourself be good at something. The positivity from being a helper and demonstrating your strengths is a valuable experience. 


3. Practice giving yourself credit when you?re able to let your strengths shine. 

Self-confidence and pride in yourself are important for a healthy sense of self-worth. When you get a chance to flex one of your strengths, remember to celebrate yourself afterward. Any chance you get to demonstrate to yourself that you?re capable and strong in a certain area is a great way to boost your self-confidence. 


While some folks may feel a little silly or awkward giving themselves a pat on the back when they do something well or demonstrate strength, it?s a necessary part of building a healthy relationship with yourself. Don?t be afraid to acknowledge the good work you do and the strengths you have?you?re doing a great job, and that?s worth some celebration! 


4. Besides giving yourself credit, take the credit when someone pays you a compliment on one of your strengths.

Taking a compliment can also feel awkward, but it?s important to allow yourself to accept them as the truth. While your mind may try to play a trick on you (?they don?t really think you did a good job,? etc.), remember that compliments are a testament to your personal strengths. 


Accept them and take them to heart. Rather than dismissing a compliment when another person expresses praise, kindness, or gratitude toward your strengths, tell them thank you and accept it as the truth. 



How To Work On And Improve Your Weaknesses

Once you have a good idea of what your specific weaknesses are, you can begin working toward improving them. Like anything else you want to improve about yourself, improving personal weaknesses can take lots of time, patience, and practice. 


If you aren?t sure where to get started, you can begin with the following steps: 


1. Understand that ignoring or brushing aside a weakness leads to repetitive failures. 

One way many people try to (unsuccessfully) manage their weaknesses is by ignoring them completely. While this may push the weaknesses out of your mind temporarily, ignoring them altogether almost always leads to repetitive mistakes.


When you ignore a weakness, you aren?t allowing yourself a fair chance to grow from it or develop it into one of your strengths. Instead, you allow the same behaviours or mistakes to repeat over and over again, continuing an unhappy cycle. 


For example, consider James. James realizes one of his weaknesses is his writing skills. While his job doesn?t always require him to write, when it eventually does, he lands himself in a lot of trouble: His poor writing skills and bad grammar leads to lots of miscommunication between him and his co-workers. 


This causes the entire team?s progress on projects to slow down tremendously. Rather than asking for help, using a grammar guide, or taking a course on professional writing, he ignores the weakness and lets himself stumble through these occasional written assignments each time they arise. Eventually, James? boss realizes that his lack of writing skills are dragging the whole team?s progress. 


Rather than handling your weaknesses like James, welcome any and all opportunities to acknowledge them. Ignoring them may seem like the safe option at the moment, but ultimately, it can land you in a lot of trouble. 


2. When you see an opportunity to practice improving a weakness, take it. 

This requires a lot of courage and commitment to improvement?don?t worry if it takes you a few tries to work up the energy to try it. When you see a situation that would test one of your weaknesses, it?s tempting to let the opportunity pass. After all, nobody wants to be reminded that they have a weakness or let someone else see them being weak, right? 


While these feelings are valid, they aren?t productive to change. In order to work on your weaknesses, you need real-life situations and chances to put in that work. When you put yourself in a situation that tests your ability to practice and improve one of your weaknesses, you?re making progress (even if it?s slow) toward major changes. 


3. Learn to identify the fears behind your weaknesses. 

Behind every weakness is often a fear. When you begin to explore the big emotions behind your weaknesses, it becomes easier to start tackling them. 


For example, pretend you?re stuck in a job that leaves you feeling unfulfilled. While the job pays enough money for you to live a comfortable life and pay all your bills, you don?t feel much satisfaction or happiness from the work. In this situation, you?re hanging on to that dead-end, boring job rather than trying something that really challenges you or showcases your strengths. 


In this sense, your weakness (shying away from bigger or better opportunities) is linked to some pretty big emotions (a fear of rejection or change, for example). By identifying the emotions, you can begin dismantling them and determining how to move forward from those weaknesses. 


4. Find ways to transform your weaknesses into strengths. 

It may sound outlandish, but it?s possible?you can find ways to turn your weaknesses into strengths! 


For example, pretend you?ve identified one of your weaknesses as always needing to be the centre of attention. At a work event or at a meetup with friends, you may not enjoy this weakness of yours very much. In fact, it may leave you feeling embarrassed or awkward when you inadvertently insert yourself into the spotlight. 


While you acknowledge this as a weakness, you can find a way to transform it into a strength. There are some occasions where being the centre of attention is vitally important. For example, you can take this weakness and turn it into a strength by signing up to lead a class on a topic you enjoy or joining your local community theatre. In these situations, being the centre of attention is quite important! 



Final Thoughts

Everyone is built with a unique series of strengths and weaknesses. It is possible to embrace your strengths while also working on your weaknesses. Often, by embracing your strengths, you can find innovative ways to improve your weaknesses.


While it does take some patience and determination, you can change the way you perceive your weaknesses and change yourself for the best. Become a balanced person: work on your weaknesses and embrace your strengths.